Remembering Dad at Light up a Life

My name is Emma Barker, and I am calling on the local community to join me at Treetops Hospice's Light up a Life event this December as I remember my dad, Neil, who sadly passed away from bowel cancer in 2022, supported by Treetops in his final days.

Dad was well known locally, having worked at Rolls-Royce in Derby for 25 years. He is remembered by so many for his kindness, hard work and love of anything with an engine. You only had to mention his name and everyone knew who he was.

He was one of the most thoughtful people I have ever known. He would listen to your wishes and needs without you even realising he had taken them on board. He was also extremely funny and never failed to make us laugh. He loved football, rugby and history, and was always coming out with the most random facts!

One of his biggest passions was supporting my younger brother Haydn's football. Dad was his biggest supporter and, over the years, became everything from a coach and manager to a treasurer for various teams. He was incredibly popular with players and parents alike and always had time for a chat.

Alongside my mum, Dad played a huge part in helping me understand my autism and overcome my anxiety. He never stopped fighting for me throughout my childhood and early adult life. He supported me through everything, including my JLS obsession, and even came to one of their concerts with me! He claimed he didn't enjoy it, although the videos we have suggest otherwise!

He was my best friend. Although we went through some difficult periods, particularly when I was struggling with my mental health, we eventually developed an incredibly close bond. Losing him has affected every part of my life, as well as our family as a whole. Nothing will ever be quite the same, and life is certainly a lot quieter without him.

Everything I do now is, in some way, about making him proud. He was such a generous, thoughtful and selfless man, and I would be happy if I could be even 5% of the person he was.

Treetops Hospice came into our lives at a really vital time. During Dad's final illness, we were physically, mentally and emotionally drained as a family. Particularly over his last two nights, Treetops' Hospice at Home nurses provided overnight care, sitting with Dad and allowing my mum, my brother and me to get some much-needed rest while knowing he was being looked after with compassion and dignity.

Their support didn't stop when we lost Dad. My mum and I were both offered bereavement counselling, which helped us navigate our grief and better understand the emotions we were experiencing. I also received complementary therapies, including massages, which helped ease the physical tension and pain I had been carrying in my back and shoulders as a result of stress and grief.

I genuinely don't think we will ever be able to thank Treetops enough for everything they did for us. They supported our family through some of the hardest moments of our lives, and that is something we will never forget.

I also think it's important to be honest about the reality of losing someone you love, because grief isn't something that simply goes away with time. It comes in waves, and sometimes the hardest moments are the ones you least expect. You can be having a perfectly normal day when something small suddenly brings everything back, and the pain can feel just as raw as it did in the beginning. There are times when it still doesn't feel real, and certain occasions, particularly birthdays, anniversaries and special family moments, can be incredibly difficult because you are so aware of the person who should be there but isn't. Grief affects your mental health in ways you don't always anticipate, and there have been times when I've struggled more than others. I think there can sometimes be an expectation that you should be getting better or moving on, but for me, it's more about learning to live with the loss while finding ways to keep Dad part of my life. I still have days when I wish I could pick up the phone and tell him something or hear his voice again. I don't think that feeling will ever completely disappear, and that's why having somewhere like Treetops to turn to, where you can talk openly and feel understood, has been so important to me.

Since I became an ambassador for Treetops, it has been a real privilege to use my sash and platform to share the incredible work they do. However, being able to share Dad's story, keep his memory alive and spend time with others who have experienced loss, while supporting a place that gave so much to my family, means even more to me.

Light up a Life has become a really important way for me to honour Dad while giving something back to the hospice that cared for him and supported us. My dad was such a light in my life, so seeing the lime tree illuminated in his memory feels like a beautiful way for others to see just how brightly he shone.

There is something incredibly comforting about knowing that, alongside so many other families, we can come together to celebrate the people we love, share our memories and remember just how much they meant to us.

I would love to encourage people from across Derby and the surrounding areas to come along on Sunday 6 December. Whether you are remembering someone you have recently lost or someone who has been gone for many years, it is an opportunity to celebrate their life in a welcoming and supportive environment.

Treetops was there for my family when we needed them most. Being able to help ensure they can continue providing that same care, comfort and support to other families is something I feel incredibly passionate about.

Event details

• Date: Sunday 6 December 2026.
• Time: 4pm to 5.30pm.
• Location: Treetops Hospice gardens, Risley.
• Event: Reflective readings, family stories, music, a lantern walk and the illuminated lime tree.
• Cost: Free to attend, with donations welcomed.
• Booking: Booking is required. Book your place on the Treetops website.